OCEANS AND EMOTIONS
Let me start with a question. How would you describe mental health?
There are the scientific definitions for various conditions but, as anyone who has been affected by mental health, myself included, will know it isn’t just as simple as a definition. Mental health is a very personal issue and affects everyone differently. It has always been a struggle for me. Trying to explain to someone just how you feel, can seem impossible at times. You learn strategies and techniques, but at the end of the day it is a challenge.
That is why I wanted to do a project around photography and mental health. Photography has been a way for me to show how I see the world, so what better way to show how I see mental health.
I want to say this project aims to achieve this for people, but that would be naive of me. The purpose of this project is to show how I’ve felt at various points though my journey with my mental health. Both positive and negative. If it can help you to understand how someone else feels then that’s great, if it resonates with how you feel then that’s even better. However art, well photography in this case, is often like mental health. It is individual. What one person sees and feels, may be completely opposite to another.
Mental health is a topic very personal to me. I have been through ups and downs, as we all have, I do struggle a lot and wanted to take the opportunity to share my feelings, partly to see if I could make a small difference to others. Mainly though, because I needed to do something positive to help my own state.
With mental health being personal
We all find different ways of helping our own. Therapy being one of the main options. Myself and several people I know have seen psychiatrists or psychologists to talk through issues we face. This is something that I believe is particularly important but by no means an easy task. Having to open up is a challenge for most of us a lot of the time, I know it was for me
Over the years, one thing that I started to do was take medication to try and help manage the situation. I know from talking to friends and people this is a more mixed topic as to should you, shouldn’t you.
Personally, it’s down to how you feel. I am not saying medication can solve everything. I have found medication to be a helpful way to feel more in control to then face the issues through therapy, but that was me personally. When I first started this project, I was still taking anti-depressants, several months and lots of hard work later, and I finally felt in the right place to stop the medication. For me, this project allowed me to deal with some personal issues and I improved as a person as a result of it.
HAVING GROWN UP ON AN ISLAND
the ocean for me, and a lot of other people, is somewhere we go to feel relaxed. If ever I was having a low point, I would go for a walk on the beach or a swim in the sea and would always come back feeling better for it. This is one of the big pieces of inspiration for this project.
This is a personal project, I have tried to make it applicable to others but it’s purely based from my experience. Over the years I have suffered with anxiety and depression. There were days where I felt scared to leave the house, days where I did not have the will to leave my bed, or worse. I was lucky in that I had support around me and overtime, slowly, found my feet again and built myself up to the point I can talk about my experiences. I found many ways that helped either calm my anxiety or improve my mood or at times just distract me. The ocean is one of these ways.
Another huge part of my mental well-being is music
Those who know me will often see me with headphones on. I never mean to be rude, I just use it as a way to make me feel more comfortable. One artist that I’m often listening to, and has been a huge inspiration for this project, is NF. He may not be everyone’s taste, I appreciate that, but if you ever get the chance just listen to some of his lyrics I have never come across someone who can create metaphors for emotions and create visuals for them like he does. The opening lines of The Search are ones that I have felt captured my own feelings.
The Project
8 Shots
8 Models
8 Locations
1 Story
FIRE IN THE MIND
This first image is designed to portray someone overpowered by their emotions. They are trying to remain strong but are losing their identity. You see a person, nothing about who they are or what they want you to see.
This is something that I and many people I know have struggled with. Being overpowered by what goes on in your head can easily lead you to feel hidden and prevent you from being who you are.
Something I often feel is confused, muddled, lost. I don’t know how to behave and I have felt like I have dragged people through situations they didn’t deserve because of it. I have left jobs because of it, ended loving relationships because of it, I am not proud of some of the things I have done and a lot of these moments come down to this fire in the mind.
Location: La Rocque Harbour
Model: Cameron O’Neill
Fire Breather: Tom Coles
SHIELDING IN THE DARK
Being able to find shelter from a problem that we’ve been dealing with is a feeling often experienced, but unfortunately it won’t make the problem go away.
It can feel overwhelming and demotivating constantly having to put up that protective barrier. It’s a powerful short term solution but never one to help the problems disperse.
It’s no easy feat to deal with a problem. It takes time effort which is not always the most pleasant of experiences.
One quote that has stuck with me is “The night is darkest just before the dawn” I first heard it in The Dark Night, it actually comes from Thomas Fuller, an English theologian, in the 15th century. To me it’s a reminder that things will brighten up. I’ve gotten through dark times so have others. It’s just not a position you choose to be in.
Having gone through this it has made me a stronger person. Without it, I would not have had the courage to do this project.
Location: Elizebeth Marina
Model: Emily Veitch
Assisted by: Emma Furzer
NOTICING THE DEMONS
The time will come where you have to look head on at your troubles. You may not understand them, but you know they are there.
The balloons? Well this is where music has influenced my mood and ideas, NF to be specific. The idea of the balloons for him is that they signify people’s burdens. They can weigh you down but still form part of your life. From his song Leave Me Alone:
“Hold up my balloons and cover up my face
I can feel them weighing on me every day
I should let 'em go and watch 'em float away
But I'm scared if I do, then I'll be more afraid”
There have been moments in my life where I have wanted to cling onto something, not because it makes me happy, but because I’m afraid of what would happen if I let it go.
At times in my life people have said; “just let it go” to me. Mental health is not that easy, you cannot just let things go.
Things do happen and will form part of your life. It’s learning to accept them, not simply letting them go, but that comes with time.
Location: Greve d'Azette
Model: Eloise Enault
CRY FOR HELP
When you end up in a place as low as you’ve ever felt, you know it’s time to reach out for help. At times you can feel completely isolated and alone, and cries for help can go unnoticed.
Unless you feel able to let someone know then you may go unnoticed. It is hard to speak up, scary, daunting. Taking small steps to reach out to someone close is an important step.
Keep an eye out for someone who may be in need of help, check on friends and family. You never know who might be in need.
Location: La Corbière
Model: Katie Veitch
REACHING OUT
Sometimes you have to be more direct and fully reach out for help before you start to run out of breath. Reaching out for help was one of the hardest things I ever did. I wanted to feel strong enough to deal with my issues purely by myself. Looking back, getting help was actually one of the strongest moves I ever made.
Underwater shots like this are some of my favourite to capture. That moment when you dive below the surface, it all goes quiet as if nothing matters anymore. You have the chance to show a whole new world . You can capture someone breathing. Light looks mesmerising underwater. It just takes my breath away at times.
Location: Beauport Bay
Model: Cameron Aird
SPACE TO FIND FREEDOM
This shot is a very personal one for me.
Currently I’m working on taking space for myself to figure out my own thoughts and emotions. I am young (22 to be exact) and naive at times. I still am working on how I feel; “finding myself” so to say.
To me the ocean; its sounds, its smells, its colours. They are all something that brings me happiness and calms me down. Jersey has some incredible beauty to it. None more so than looking out over the cliffs, to the vast ocean, without a care in the world. Providing sometimes a brief moment of feeling free.
Learning to deal with your issues is tough and finding something that gives you release, a view like this one, can make a difference. Standing there taking it in and being blown by the breeze.
Location: Grosnez
Model: Ria Wolstenholme
Assisted by Liam De Gruchy
SHATTERING REFLECTIONS
A large portion of mental health issues are around self image. We live in a world where people show their best aspects through social media like a highlight reel.
Often we compare ourselves to our peers and feel we aren’t achieving what they’re achieving or don’t feel we have their body or looks. Well sometimes you have to smash those thoughts.
Stop comparing, easier said than done I know, I'm awful at doing it.
When you do finally smash that judging reflection you will notice the outwards ripple effect it has in your life. It’s not always a bad thing to be angry and determined as long as you find a healthy way to release it. In the right hands it’s a powerful tool to motivate you.
Location: L'Étacq
Model: Oliver Meaton
PEACE BENEATH THE SURFACE
The final shot, and my personal favourite from the entire project. It creates emotions for me that I wish I could capture permanently and one day I hope to reach this.
For me the ultimate place is under the water. That feeling of going beneath the surface, feeling weightless and just silence, its beautiful. I wanted to capture this in an image.
That sense of peace and quiet in the mind is something many of us strive for when it comes to mental health, it’s the final stage in the sequence. Being truly happy.
Location: Portelet Bay
Model: Leanne Hall
Assisted by: John Liot
The idea was to create 8 different images with 8 different models all trying to portray mental states and telling a story of the various points people can go through in life. How you interpret it is up to you. Throughout this project it has ended up being rather therapeutic for me. I wish that I could say I felt peace beneath the surface, but the harsh reality is I don’t yet. Some days I do, other days I can feel like I’m right back at the very beginning, and am back in that dark place with no identity. Often I am confused, and feel a little lost. The week I write this I think I have felt every emotion i’ve tried to show in this series. My point is mental health is never constant, I always strived for one day where I’d have perfection but that isn’t realistic, we all have up days and down days. The hardest part for me is learning to accept this and not being afraid to work on yourself and admitting your own flaws.
The logistics of this proved be more of a challenge, finding 8 people proved to be less of an issue that I thought. What was a factor was finding times that worked with uncontrollable issues such as the weather, tides, timings and just general busy lives. Photography is not my main job so as much as I want to, I can’t devote all my time to a project like this. I knew going into this that whilst you can plan and prepare for shoots, the final shot may not be what you initially had in mind.
Just like life you can plan for one thing but often something else, hopefully better comes along. However, sometimes it’s not what you would like and it’s those moments where you pick yourself up and carry on as best you can, waiting for something to work out.
See more of the shots from the project below.
